Living in the Moment

Lost in the cave of despair it is so easy lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. When I first learned this "secret" I fought it tooth and nail. "No one understands that I can't just pick myself up, brush myself off, and start all over again." Very true. We must first get to the point where our medication is in balance, and believe me, that can take a good long while. Then we have to give ourselves the opportunity to care enough to want to get better. It is comforting to feel like a "victim" and to be seen as such by our loved ones. We don't have to take any responsibility that way!

I woke up one morning not all that long ago, and realized that all the negative messages and beliefs about myself that I have carried for so long are in fact NOT ME. I am the quiet voice inside my being that directs me in healthy ways, that cares deeply about others, has dreams and ambitions and is very capable and strong. You have that voice too, and the "secret" is to start listening to that quiet voice. We all need to ask our brains questions such as: "to what purpose is this serving me", "when did I start to believe that I was incapable of taking control over my life (emotions)", "what proof do I have that I am weak." The amazing discovery that I found is that by asking questions of myself, I can't hide anymore from the strong, wonderful, loving woman that I am. Together she and I can take on our demons, and you have that ability too!

So be gentle with yourself, but use tough love and see what answers you come up with.

Depression, Drugs and Celebrities

The recent loss of the promising actor Heath Ledger has created a media frenzy. Even before the medical examiner had the time to do his job, the press was wildly speculating on the cause of his sudden death. Suicide, alcoholism, "wild party animal" were some of the terms being bandied about.

What a cruel act to his family and friends. When the coroner report was finally released the official cause of death was deemed an "accidental overdose."

As a woman that has lived the majority of her life dealing with the internal dual demons of anxiety and depression, it struck me how very vulnerable we all are. Everyone of us medicates ourselves, whether it be alcohol, herbal remedies, or Doctor's prescriptions. We desperately want the pain and the darkness to go away.

Quite frankly, there have been months when I don't know what day it is, let alone remember if I took my medication that morning. Yet, even after all these years I still don't have one of those pill boxes that you load up with your medication for the week, and would therefore have a clue as to what you did two hours ago.

The pressure for celebrities to always been on their "best" game, is unfathomable to me. I am a simple housewife and mother, and I have the luxury of being able to hide in my home and sleep some of the day away when I pressure myself too much. Celebrities have reporters and photographers watching their every move. Talk about external stressors!

The media's quest for "dirt" makes all of us that deal with depression and anxiety disorders look like suicidal maniacs. It is time to stand up and let the world know that we are just regular people, trying to walk through this lonely maze the best way that we can.